12 | This Review in Review, “Libraries”

David Kalsow 0:00

Today's episode is brought to you by this review in review, a podcast about absurd one star reviews. Get your teeth wet with Sam and Trevor as they descend down the rabbit hole that is reviews on the Internet. And remember, review not lest ye be reviewed. To listen check the link in the show notes for the show.

David Kalsow 0:24

I'm David Kalsow. And you're listening to APC Presents rise showcase independent podcasters from Northeast Wisconsin. And this week, we've got a bit of a doubleheader on this episode I stole from the feed Sam and Trevor have Gavin Schmidt of the Milwaukee mafia podcast to review libraries that's quite fun has a Gavin has an insider perspective as a librarian for the Appleton Public Library. Just a warning there is lots of explicit language in this episode, but you know, that's their show, and I want him to give it to you as it is. So I'm pleased to present libraries from this review in review.

Trevor Clumpner 1:14

This is falcor and this is this review in review.

Sam Lenz 1:27

Welcome everybody to this review in review, a biweekly Podcast where each week my co hosts real name Trevor and I Sam read a one star sometimes even two star reviews back and forth to each other. And today we have an expert witness.

Trevor Clumpner 1:44

Yes, the true witness to Christ. No, I'm kidding. Libraries because that's what we're talking about today. Yes, we're joined in the studio today by a fellow APC podcast out the Appleton Podcast Co-op active with his podcast, Milwaukee mafia and author and current employee of the tray wage Schmidt Hello. Yeah, so how's it good

Trevor Clumpner 2:10

library voice Yeah,

Gavin Schmitt 2:12

it was it was a good library voice Yes.

Sam Lenz 2:15

Yeah, I could hear you telling me to you know very gently to be quiet with that tone of voice which is a good way to de escalate by using that calm tone of voice anyways,

Trevor Clumpner 2:25

how long have you been working at the library

Gavin Schmitt 2:27

a little over three years

Trevor Clumpner 2:28

Okay, okay and was that because you were an author you kind of felt called to the library or

Gavin Schmitt 2:34

no

Trevor Clumpner 2:37

oh I forgot to mention author of I was told three books but I looked

Gavin Schmitt 2:41

oh no five no ads or as of now it's nine

Trevor Clumpner 2:45

nine bucks. Yeah. So So of all the books you've wrote What's your favorite one?

Gavin Schmitt 2:50

My personal favorite is a book called shallow grave

Trevor Clumpner 2:53

Okay, I saw that on there and what's kind of the the synopsis of

Gavin Schmitt 2:57

Trevor Clumpner 3:07

okay

Gavin Schmitt 3:09

what I love I mean not to pick you know among your children but the reason I really love that one is I was able to get all the police files for the case and all FBI files for the case and you don't usually get both and it's really interesting to see the investigation run in parallel okay, but they don't talk

Trevor Clumpner 3:34

yeah back then. Yeah, yeah,

Sam Lenz 3:36

we are I listened to a lot of true crime podcast I did and that's like a common theme is the FBI and the police have this weird like sports team beef against each other

Gavin Schmitt 3:45

they definitely do. Yes. Yeah,

Sam Lenz 3:48

so competitions like UFO nerds wants to be the one to have the big break

Trevor Clumpner 3:53

so who won the contest? who solved the case?

Gavin Schmitt 3:56

Nobody Ah, nobody saw Yeah, that's but that's part of what makes it interesting is when you have both pieces and you put it together like I have a chapter at the end where I speculate Okay, I don't like to speculate as like a history person but the first time that both halves or ever together and it's my opinion that had they actually shared what they both knew. Maybe they would have got somewhere

Trevor Clumpner 4:25

it's usually the case

Sam Lenz 4:27

because like most murders go unsolved, right isn't the majority of murders leaseback in this? Yeah, the only Of course you only hear about the successful cases is like we got somebody but right like,

Gavin Schmitt 4:40

I yeah, I mean, I think I think today a lot more get solved than they used to. But yeah, definitely. The sad truth is up until relatively recently, getting away with murder was not that hard. Yeah,

Trevor Clumpner 4:52

I think about like the 20 is like you could pretty much just as long as you're gone before the cops show up. You're free.

Gavin Schmitt 4:58

Really. That's it.

Sam Lenz 5:00

I love doing comedy podcasts yeah that's so funny

Gavin Schmitt 5:04

oh yeah oh yeah

Sam Lenz 5:07

dude whatever this that's our audience they noticed by now

Trevor Clumpner 5:10

So Sam anything new anything fun I haven't talked to you in like three weeks I feel like yeah yeah

Sam Lenz 5:14

we took a long skip I can't think of anything man I'm just fucking living out here in the middle of nowhere trying not to be murdered yeah man things happen but nothing nothing funny nothing worth reporting is like falling

Trevor Clumpner 5:28

off a lot of people creeping on

Sam Lenz 5:31

any fights of animals recently so that's my usual story

Trevor Clumpner 5:37

I man three weeks I was in Madison for some stuff and I left a review at a like an Asian fusion place gave it a good good review

Sam Lenz 5:46

right you put some positive energy into review

Trevor Clumpner 5:49

yeah for once Good job brother mentioned the sewage smell in the bathroom because I'm kind and I know that's not their fault I know it was the guy before them was the guy before you yeah it wasn't it might have been my fault Gavin anything crazy happened to you in the last couple weeks at least at the library in last three years

Gavin Schmitt 6:13

oh gosh there's only certain things I'm allowed to talk about Okay,

Trevor Clumpner 6:21

I was told about a poop story

Gavin Schmitt 6:24

oh wow we do get we do we did it we had an incident that I can talk about we had an incident where the library's on the ground floor and above us our offices to a paper mill okay and weird yes and yes we did we did have a pipe break and for the first half of the day we didn't think much of it we thought oh you know water leak big deal but then the second half the day we figured out it wasn't the water by so yeah we had a we had a nice growing puddle of

Sam Lenz 6:59

oh you know and raw sewage just right there in the lobby

Gavin Schmitt 7:02

everyone's walking through it so that was that was a pleasant day it's

Trevor Clumpner 7:07

just like riding an Amtrak Yeah,

Sam Lenz 7:09

so I ordered a book recently I got to use the book online stinks the book is good but it's physically smells It smells like an old basement luckily it's not like raw sewage but I just think of all that absorbent material just soaking up the fumes of all that sewage and makes me sad I love books

Gavin Schmitt 7:30

yeah well luckily we don't keep a lot of books in the lobby so we're gonna have crap all over everything that's the right place to have the crap so shit in the lobby yeah we just we just have you know patrons and employees like that that's fine

Sam Lenz 7:48

right protect the knowledge

Trevor Clumpner 7:50

so you don't have anything crazy with I know the bus stop is right next to it and from going through reviews and Sam and I've already talked about this everyone comments on the homeless situation at library

Gavin Schmitt 8:01

yeah yeah this so like I say there's I can't talk about a lot of things because I'm not going to name names or doors people can figure out who we're referring to

Sam Lenz 8:13

Brian

Gavin Schmitt 8:15

yes well everybody knows about Brian but but no I yeah that we that there's there's homeless people and but more so than the homeless people there's a lot of the homeless people have mental health issues. Yes, yes. And yes, sometimes they do things that are inappropriate sometimes they do things that aren't inappropriate but they're still a little weird questionable um, we have people who decide that they're going to show up perfectly find study for a test whatever, and by the time they leave they are drunk out of their mind I don't know how in a couple hours it goes from sober to drunk in a library but they find a way

Sam Lenz 8:59

tampons. tampons

Trevor Clumpner 9:03

yeah sir Bluefin.

Gavin Schmitt 9:04

Yeah, so yeah, yeah, I can't be too specific because we have we have like privacy rules that we know that that's fantastic. But But yeah, definitely. Do you get some people who need more help than we can give them?

Sam Lenz 9:22

Yeah, it's I don't want to make fun of the homeless people but they are human and you can make fun of funny shit that all people do. Yeah, like masturbating in public. Yeah, obviously Yeah, but I'm not I'm not like gross homeless people. So much should burn them off. But like it it pops up. It's like unavoidable in these these library stories. I'm like weaving around some of the like ticularly insensitive people but I found some funny there is

Gavin Schmitt 9:50

there is the masturbating this that's the problem with having public computers.

Sam Lenz 9:53

Yeah, dude, look, right. That's like all the time.

Trevor Clumpner 9:56

As we said in our last Patreon episode, maybe you should say you want to bring the home Most people because we have to get canceled that's how we become popular

yeah we got to save our controversial shit we can't just sit on the fence

oh so I'm gonna get caught yeah yeah so I'm we're

using a fake name so you can say whatever

you want well let's get into it guys yes I'm gonna start controversial Let's rock and roll. So my first review will be actually picked a Rome we will be doing the biblioteca national central de Roma holy shit which I have no idea what that translates to I'm assuming it's the library of Rome Do you speak Latin? gavins? Is that my right? I

could I can kind of read it. I don't speak it.

This is from murmur who gives it one star

merkler Ah, that's odd said

this place does not deserve these rude restoration bar staff. It doesn't say translated but I'm going to assume this is translated. Yeah. A good place to study in peaceful silence. But this place does not deserve these rude staff. Let's start from restoration bar. Bad service, high prices for euro for a humble sandwich.

I like to imagine there actually is a bar in the ledger. And she's talking about some kind of cafe or food sub.

So I

know for a humble sandwich she's probably talking about just like a basic bologna sandwich.

Harley's people getting drunk at the bar.

But let me tell you what's happened today. I paid for two small bottles of water using a two year old coin a little bit scratched on the surface. The cashier probably the owner instantly treated us like robber refusing to serve us for a scratch coin you know what do you

carve this

yourself? Just bites on I like the mayor would

bite all of my receipts.

There are many and many restoration bar pizza Chinese restaurant and also markets nearby and cheaper so avoid going into this rude bar about the library service you can't come in and study with your books or with Xerox water or so. Thanks to mark O'Meara now let's leave Rome and head to the funny library I

still have questions about this bar in the road yeah library

restoration bar

I was Romans they do things differently man so wine and cheese Flan Rome.

Let's go to the funny library and coffee shop

funny funny library. Funny

library. Good. Victoria m two stars. This was pretty bad. I hate to give it this review. But our drinks tasted like it came out of a Keurig Oh wow. Pretty pretentious there. The worst part was that although the pastries looked delicious, the case was full of flies. It's actually protein my book.

Yeah. I've never seen a library that serves food so that this is like the second review. I'm just like what?

It does not even like a cop like a little like one of those little presses at the tray. Wait.

Well, you know we're living in COVID time. Oh, no, but But before that, yes, we did have a little coffee area where some gentlemen would discuss the newspapers and stuff so Oh,

I thought it is but no, we

don't have some sandwiches.

It was so gross. It's a tiny glass case. It's not that hard to clean. And get rid of the Flies there. excuse. It's summertime.

Flies do come in the summer, man. There's a fucking fly season.

Remember when we went to the farmers market and we went into I'm not gonna say the name of the bar. But we went to a bar after Yeah, tequila sunrises. And my orange juice was just filled with fruit flies.

Yeah, I was like, dude, you got to put the like, the golf tee at least and then tip of that, or whatever.

Long story short, we spent $27 in through our drinks after two sips Pro. Very nice atmosphere. So this is called the funny library library and coffee shop.

Where's this was so

fucking funny. Like it's important. Okay. Yeah, and they didn't mention any why the library was funny at all. I want to know, is it I'll just log in time.

Yeah, you walk into a clown's mouth or something.

raise more questions, anything.

Oftentimes, we've just walked away with more questions. Yes, that answered.

And then your third one a restaurant do? No, I

think it's the last restaurant

bibliotech pizza and so

now let's head on over to my favorite place to find reviews. Gary, Indiana. I do want to mention that the funny library coffee shop has four stars overall. But the Gary Public Library has two stars overall.

My god, that's hard to do. Every every place I have has at least Oh shit, there's a 3.9 coming

out. I mean, if you don't mind all the broken windows and burned out

its atmosphere.

I can imagine there's like one book on every show. Just desktops, notebooks that somebody like just wrote in my book. Yeah, I'm a published author

50 chance of getting shot at the Gary library. I mean, that's not that's pretty good. It's true.

tablets to see one star. The Woodson M. branch of the Gary public library was okay. The one time I went to it a few years ago when briefly in the area, I can't help but admit, it doesn't quite compare to some of the other and nicer libraries. I've been to both in n Wi Fi, in example, Michigan City Hammond, and in the rest of the Chicago area, numerous examples to

list. This person's just naming all the libraries they went to, and they go

on a library tour, a library Yelp elitists, and numerous examples to list where it'd be too numerous to list all the better examples within Illinois. It's clean though, it'll do the trick for a library if you briefly need to go to one while in the Miller neighborhood of Gary. This branch is fine, but it bugged me that the one time I visited they had a TV on in the main room of the branch that was not muted hey this

is ridiculous This is Rob drydock that's always on everywhere I go everywhere there's like a fucking tube television is playing ridiculousness

What do you think about this one Sherry Chanel? I want to start actual name here saying that.

Like the modern version of America's Funniest Home Videos

mixed with like jackass I

guess in a way because it's all Yeah, it's a lot of people hurting themselves, but it's like epic fail. It's fucking okay. Yeah.

And then they have Rob Diedrich who is a professional skateboarder

and it's all grown up and shit. Yeah.

Yeah, and then some girl who just

now West Coast now. Yes, sir. Yeah, you'll end up seeing it eventually. Someday you'll be in the hotel lobby. Oh, ridiculousness. It never goes away.

Never. So is good. Fine. If one employee wants to watch TV since the branch was not busy when I was here, I'll admit, thanks for that. But at least I'm new to TV for those who'd rather read a book like I was trying to do and use something like wireless headphones to listen to the sound or only have the volume on if the TV was moved to a separate and closed room. It said the TV incident kind of gave me a slightly negative recollection of the library since otherwise I would give this place three stars oh well how generous free for Gary this the library ended up nicer than I thought it was going to be. I just hope that TV incident isn't a normal thing at this branch the managers to train the giffy library to not have a TV on with sound that everyone can hear throughout the library and that give this place three stars

that's the fucking like fourth time they saw this TV is on the TV still on the television is loud. Good grief. Yeah,

that that was through some redeeming in that review at the end of the first the first half I'm like, this doesn't compare to all these libraries in Chicago and I'm like, Yeah, what do you expect? And then at the end, she's like, well, it's better than I expected for Gary. Yeah. It was kind of nice.

One of the popular tropes that Sam and I keep finding and all these reviews is people are always saying like you know I want to be fair and then they never are

yeah yeah and it's either one or five as far as stars go all that intermediate star shit like doesn't count for anything.

I don't know how many listeners you haven't Gary but I mean I'll shit on Gary all day

that's a dirty place yeah. I one Gary listener just smashed their phone. They're listening Yeah, punch their their car stereo until it wouldn't make sound any more swerved into

Java as ever been there but like they got like Michael Jackson birthplace house.

That's right. That's where the Jackson Five were from.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, like you can't even like go up to Because they have to get the whole thing off so vandals don't like burn down the house when my

band was on tour our RV broke down in Gary Indiana we were stranded there for yes yeah oh my god sleeping like on the street we had no more money we're on tour you know how

yeah it's like they get in the local flavors yeah marry style he did

there's actually a sick ass burrito place we went to well they're nice yeah, no money for hotel but plenty of money for burritos.

Yeah, man. Well, that's how you survive on the streets. Speaking of surviving on the streets, let's go to San Francisco. Oh yeah, yeah, we got a heavy hitter here man. This one goes on and on. I hopefully I've picked the right reviews to sum things up. It's got a 4.3 overall and Alright, this first review, I'm just gonna read half of it just kind of paints the picture we'll get a general idea of what the San Francisco Public Library is like. Toro is not quite enough for research which basically defeats the purpose of this place as a library with reading areas. Too many people just seeking shelter with free internet chatting watching videos on their smartphones leaking sounds taking and making phone calls everywhere. eating food when it is supposed to be prohibited. Said old speakerphone thing we talked about a blog dude yeah people talking in on speakerphone to another person who's also on speakerphone to the library some of the TV on his right I hope that they take care of this TV incidents are super producer Kate.

Thanks Kate.

Super producer.

It was her youngest son's second birthday yesterday and we were there and her mom decided to take a phone call like a business phone call on speakerphone in the middle overall like having the birthday celebration is just like Yeah, I saw that you were with Kay tomorrow and you move that over to me and we're just like

what are you doing go somewhere else? I can't do that I can't talk on the phone like that.

And dirty shit you say Yeah. can

write it's one to one conversations that's how I talk I don't want anyone else hearing because I very specifically address the people I'm talking to like a sociopath he's speaking their language and if anyone else hears that just sounds weird. So yeah, people that are making phone calls eating food or just their to nap or even exercise

just simply cranking out a bunch of push ups they're reading their the Arnold Schwarzenegger fitness Bible

Yeah, dude I love I love the idea of people working out at the library. It's like everything bought a library that's a new

one on Yeah, I didn't see anyone to go up some books all

the rest of it sounds pretty normal but the people just running

I do appreciate it when I see a jacked homeless dude I do got to say because I saw on one time and I was just like, Man with your genetics Dude, you could be like a fucking superstar. What you doing with your life?

It's like I could also hear the friends vicious. It's all my my genetics. But anyways, yep. So let's just paint a little picture of the library in San Francisco. Let's go on. Let's go on Elbert see. It is a nice building with good volume of collection. But it is occupied by homeless and mental from inside to outside almost an mental prison. The only restroom on the first floor becomes the heaven of drug user. homeless and mental people. Security adds extra tension. It is not a peaceful quiet library. The heaven of drug use there is

the Mecca.

Yeah, man. All the Dirty Deeds get done on the bathroom. And I'm not talking about just using the bathroom. It's great.

All right, Laurie. whole situation there.

Oh, well. Still San Francisco.

Yes. So I'm not saying this name. Right. But I'm about to say name. prannoy. Okay,

yeah, I love my printer.

It's disgusting. elevators smell of poop.

Did you follow a rule you got to the corner because you don't want the rescue workers to come down and land Can you?

Yeah, that's it. I like the short ones. There's right to the boy. Yeah. Short and sweet. Apparently, yeah, there's only there's a bathroom just on the first floor. And it's like a six story operation. So

I can't hold it. That XYZ elevator

is next person. I'm going to read their entire name. Ar 15. Yeah. They're, they're like profile picture is the guy from Wolf and Stein. I'm the head for this is a sanctuary library where you can shoot up while reading Where the Wild Things Are. And take a turd world poop anywhere your imagination can take you turd world yeah I like that Yes wherever your imagination takes you just like a fucking yeah just shit on the

way yeah where the things are isn't that isn't that what the canvas sees the imaginary monsters yeah yeah I guess when you're you're shooting apparel when you might see some of them yeah matters

real and imagined

all right

prints em oh you are evil waiting to open up the library at 12 noon on Friday but some one star review gotta get

my books at 5am you are evil I don't remember Can you rent a paper at the library? you rent like like do you guys get like that that day's post Crescent that you could go

oh you can't you can't check it out but you could read it there yeah you're

spending money okay

wait a second going on there's even more like weird fucking

here we go

lol they promote violence against women and there's there's pictures of like an art exhibit. I think it's so there's like a big sign with an X drawn on it with like, I think this is the trans pride colors but it's anyway it says rip brandy seals dye sis scum. And then there's like shirts with bloodstains on them that says I punched turfs your apathy is killing us. God Yeah, as I went on, I found all these like, I mean, they get it turf stuck, but yeah, then, like pictures of all these like baseball bats and access and shit.

Wow. In the library? Yeah. Geez. It's like, hey, if someone comes in spouting some shit.

Yes, smash encasing away to murder. Yeah. Fuck, man.

Maybe violence against women but

turf. Secondly, yeah. What's her stand for? Again? It's

trans exclusionary radical feminists? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. synched up nicely on that. But yeah, that's San Francisco in a nutshell. wild place. All right. It's a fucking poop elevator weaponry.

Welcome to the Podcast Fast Class! Lesson 10 was engagement, lesson 11 we're gonna be talking about perseverance. So we've done 10 lessons so far. And we're not done yet. Or should I say you're not done yet, there is still a long road ahead of you. It's going to take time and consistently crafting episodes to be able to build an audience of listeners. Now there are going to be episodes that flop, episodes that skyrocket but take everything in stride. And don't stop! And if you're participating in the Podcast Fast Class giveaway for creating your show, you should be ready to submit your RSS feed by next week. I know we're moving along and chugging along on that roller coaster that train, these little breaks here will be used to sort of keep you on track week to week. And as always, you don't have to do this alone. We want to celebrate with you along the way. So come join us in the APC members Facebook group and you can watch the video version of this. Link in the notes, back to the show.

My brother, I read three frickin novels. Yeah, whoa, yeah. Thanks for doing your homework. Thanks. I didn't do a great homework. These aren't as funny as you guys is. But it's a nice sampling, we'll find. Yeah, we'll find the humor. I wanted to pick some of the biggest ones out there some of the biggest libraries and I started with the Library of Congress. Oh, nice one.

This is reviews of everything in the world. It's true.

The name of this reveal where his wizard reviews z

you put reviews in your name? Yeah,

yeah, you're bullied at that out there to write reviews.

You're ready this this is probably going with the best first but here we go. All right. I found the Library of Congress to be something of a letdown. I suppose to the casual reader, it appears as an impressive collection. However, for a serious scholar it is quite lacking. Granted. My expectations may have been a bit high. For all the hype I was expecting more of a borgesian library of Babel, hopefully with less babble. Instead they had an admittedly respectable collection of reasons American works in the smattering of foreign bugs. So this category leg anything from other planes or parallel earths

Parallel earths? wow this person is a wizard yep fry of valor. I have been to other planes in parallel.

I was gonna say they graduated from Harvard but it sounds like they like graduated from

Hogwarts

Hogwarts. Yes.

Even some surprisingly basic text. Were not in evidence during my visit, specifically, the Necronomicon and eternal translations of the voynich manuscript or even the peculiar healer the peculiar neuro degenerative inhabitants of the kasoa Atoll How

are they not these titles? voynich

manuscript yeah that's that's just like coated book they still can't figure out Yeah, he's to have a

plenty of Alistair Crowley books he's like no these are not good enough for me.

These three books come readily to mind as they are key to a project I am engaged with currently.

Child right Yes,

yes

a project that when it reaches its fruition will show those fools on the white council they call it a bad yes they did but soon I will have the less left just as soon as I can find a decent library in this town.

Wow That guy rules awesome machinery reviews and everything.

Generally we take a contrarian side to whatever the person is saying because it's just funnier that way but I wouldn't 100% agree with this wizard and join their circle of power

well I'm sorry to say I'm but Library of Congress one star down star.

I didn't I wouldn't expect the Library of Congress I guess. I would think it's about just legal documents and shit But yeah, you're right it's probably more of like a Smithsonian level of collection of what is what no that yeah, this is what we have to offer as a country Yeah. We hear that fucking wizard Thunder he's hears us Yes, we record we a storm started as soon as you start recording, so yeah.

Yeah, man. Fucking That guy is probably my favorite human being in existence. I would have

Parallel earths other planes.

He's not wrong, though. If you're only carrying books from this timeline. You are. Yeah.

The fuck? You don't even have any books from the future? Yeah, no.

Well, let's take a bus or Amtrak, whatever you choose. We've done reviews on all of those. They're all horrible. And we're going to airlines right that pisser train. Yeah. and head over to the Harold Washington library center. Chicago Public Library. All right, which has four stars overall. Pay me one star. This this library sucks a big fat one.

The pizza was called there were flies everywhere.

The guards are so lazy. They just eat the guards eat, sleep and harass people. They left the homeless people sleep, eat and harass people and talk on the phone.

Like the security guards never harass the homeless people they'll only fuck with like normal people that they know will listen to them. Yeah, that's any that's what I found.

check mark right there. I hear that guys. Sam said homeless people aren't normal.

Goddamnit

Do you have security at the library? Uh, I don't know if I should disclose Oh, secret at

Walmart have the secret security that walk around.

We have wizard protection there.

There's some level of security.

Okay, that's good to know. I feel safe there. They are so many homeless people that the library smells and people bathe themselves in the bathroom. The library staff most of them are rude. There's only two guards that actually work. rest of them are ignorant. That makes them a very good I tried to stay away from it as much as I can. The guards are crazy too. And fake loud noises just loud belching after eating their fucking Taco Bell.

Just imagine a guard like shifting around and grunting like me when I'm alone in that house. Working out I make all these unnecessary sounds. Yeah.

I would love to put a recording on myself for the day. See the weird sounds I make because I don't hear him.

I was shooting this morning and I made a way on this. I was like yeah.

Every time I lay in my bag, I just go this time I'm getting older as I'll just lay down and just go oh like I've been doing so much work. Yeah. Alright Jennifer G.

Yeah, why don't I make a sound when I put my shoes on?

Oh yeah, that's good.

I'm gonna stop saying one star cuz it's kind of

It's all one star baby.

That does it. I am done going here. And when I am finished with studying for a work exam, I will be figuring out the best way to communicate to city leaders and the news that this library is sorely misused as a dangerous homeless transient and druggie shelter. It's crazy to me how ignorant and people are towards the unharmed population. Yeah, like just fucking get over it like they're there.

It sucks when crazy people are doing crazy shit in your face. But yeah, what you need a solution.

And Jennifer gee don't see you've given us a solution here you just Beijing just

kick them out of everywhere until they're standing on a railing.

Controversial take number two come from

Yeah, isolate that. I don't that'll be at our best. We just clip all the like cancelable ship that we say by accident.

I have. I've had men try to ask me out. Crazy Ones sit next to me with Tourette's saying terrible curse words against women. I mean that that does suck. You know. This snack vendor room smells like piss because the people sitting in there piss their pants. Another place for snacks. I feel like a bigger library. You kind of have to have a snack room or at least a vending machine. mode of income. Yeah, you guys have a vending machine? No.

Feel like every time you say no or I can't say that. It's actually a yes.

Every time I go to the library anymore. I mean, I was in a book club for a little bit. I was getting books from there. But sometimes my friends to run out of ink and I don't feel like paying $80 for ink. Yes, I'll just go to library to print off whatever Dean D module I feel like playing that week or some shit. Was I I saw a Jerry Springer chair fight. Oh, yeah, that's

Yeah, you're just you're going there for the wrong reasons. I know it says library and that wasn't your intention. But like, find the silver lining if you're going to enjoy life. Yeah, this is your chance. I was like prime entertainments

if I didn't

have to clean it up. I'd be all about

me just pulling all the chairs aside. Jerry.

Yeah, dude, make a fighting ring in the library.

Oh, we'll save that for the end. They are sleeping, they steal. They go into the private study rooms that are reserved by others. And the last straw over the weekend was that I asked a man to be quiet and silence his TV on his phone. Sounds like an old person thing to say. And he yelled at me Fuck you and told me repeatedly he would harm me. I'm gonna harm

you. Yeah, right. He said fuck you and then I'm going to harm you or harm you. I always want to know more about like, tell me between the lines in what ways was he going to harm to Alma Harvey so good, I'm fascinated.

Be very careful walking alone in the aisles here or sitting alone at a table with no one else around. Someone will come up behind you. anywhere I go people come up behind me. There are hardly any other regular library patrons here due to the problems here. It's a beautiful building inside and outside. And it's not the proper place to have dangerous people literally allowed to sleep by security.

Like sleeping like right next to the security

taking a nap just sharing a fucking brisket I don't know 85% of them are not reading a book or using any library resource at all.

15% are

that's enough to keep it open. For every one real patron on a floor there's five transients these are not your normal everyday kind kind of endearing spare some change people on the corner guess what that kind of endearing spare change on the corner person is them because you're not interacting with them for that very long.

Yeah. Sometimes the spare some change people like porno too.

They all like porno, Sam. And then Chris. Oh, there is So much intimidation at Harold Washington library that young game wannabes are now bullying people in the bathroom

oh my god for you go to get your stripes

in middle school

I was he scared the shit out of that guy

I was a part of that I was a part of this rap group we were called the br a or the bra which stood for the bathroom rap Association cool and very cool in between classes or like at lunch breaks we would just rap in the in the library and so like Anthony would beatbox and then Justin and I were the MCs so we how we set it up as there were there were two stalls in the bathroom and so Anthony would just be sitting on the sink anytime someone would come in the bathroom and then he would just start beatboxing and then Justin I would kick open the stalls just start like rapping like dissonant and stuff

in your face yeah yeah it was your own pants down I don't got to do it.

We just like Ryan's taking a pee pee loo that little weenie

guys like they're not stopping me I'm taking a piss proud yeah and back I'll just piss all over you guys that's cool. I

used to be

I imagine you guys wearing like Adidas track suits for some

reason I wish we were that cool. I mean definitely was wearing some like starter wind pants. Especially like Tony Hawk shirt with some air walks and just kind of the times just

a picture of boring old Tony Hawk

hanging out in the bathroom and rabid people so they can't take it

down. Yeah, man that's the idea and we're in the stall so they can't get into

the library.

They just fucking

can't take down the folly of youth man

not just near the computer Commons This used to be a reputable place

amazing so I want to take I was gonna take us to LA but actually before we do that let's go to the public library. There wasn't much there No, he

was pretty highly reviewed. I gotta say. Yeah, yeah.

So it has a 4.4 overall, naturally I'm filtering everything by the lowest and let's just comb through a bit of this I didn't even make note of any particular didn't make

a Gavin s by name

though.

So this is by Jay P 30,000. The library has a nice atrium area with live plants. This is a nice touch. Especially during the mid winter months. I do like to have a pretty area half degree you can walk like 20 feet through like woodchips and plants and it rolls it's nice touch you don't see in most libraries. That aside I was working on my computer at one of the desks in the library minding my own business when one of the staff told me I had to move because I was in the teen section

Oh no. China trying to cruise for them teams I was appalled promise ring to give you a little girl

I was appalled that this type of discrimination in the form of ageism was committed at the hands of a public servant. Although not an actionable offense, and nonetheless reflects poorly on the library and its staff. Fucking baby yeah,

the old the navient section section. No.

There is a teen section. Yeah, yeah,

I imagine there's plenty of teen books adults would read like Harry Potter it would be a team

computer. Absolutely Yeah, the

teen computer say oh yeah, I

don't need 60 year old men over there.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know maybe there's more to the story. Oh,

yeah, yeah, some kiddie porn some shit like get out of here.

I think this first I think the adult section was filled up and this person just grabbed it over computer and then was told Hey, you're clearly an adult. Like that's ageism.

Yeah, no, fishy there.

Yeah, I agree. This, this one's a little fishy as well. Emily See? Oh, solid, solid point. Emily, like one of the most common names five years

of her library card.

Yeah, right in front of her. You get the snip. Sorry. That's a chop Emily. The parking meters suck.

That's true. Yeah, suck the whole Yeah, the

whole parking lot is metered. If you don't have coins, you're sLl. Also 10 cent fine for turning item late. This is where I heartily disagree. Yeah. You return it late. All right, she put laid in quotations and goes on to explain. I returned it on its due date straight afterwards. Since work in Appleton bill is 30 minutes away at 6:45pm, but apparently that counts for nothing. Whatever you close

depends what day but usually eight o'clock. Oh, well

that one's the late fee roll over time though is at noon?

No. As long as it's in by closing it's still the same day.

I bet they use the self return. Because I bet if they would have walked in and been like, Hi, I'm returning this today.

And yeah, and it gets checked in in the morning. I don't expect they'd like okay, we're close time to check in all these books like no, I'm going to go home overall subpar experiences with this library compared to others, I will not be coming back to this branch. Also in my case, this is about 10 cents I just want to

reiterate that. Also in my experience, it's really easy you can just go online right and read check out a book. I've done that before you even call.

Yep. Yep, absolutely. And get the

sultry voice of Gavin Schmidt sometimes Absolutely. I will renew that for you to do

this.

For very calming voice

love to renew Twilight New Moon for you.

Most people all the time and sometimes they're Twilight

so what's up with those parking meters? Why are they there? Is they did this

on the spot

I know that

that's you know that's the same thing you have to do the day get up with the city I don't think anybody likes it I don't know there's anybody at the library is like oh I'm so glad we got because not like the library gets that money. Yeah, I

know it's really stupid.

I feel like people are using that parking lot too much and not going in the library or something or or it's just some debt various city that

I get that is downtown. It's a good like one of the farmers market. That's a great place to park. But still the library should be free. Education knowledge should be available to the world.

It's a public service. Yeah, nutrition.

Yeah, I mean, that's it's the toss up, right? You make the parking lot free and then everybody parks there to go downtown. And then the people want to use the library have nowhere to park yet Oh, it's one thing or the other. Either you got to pay which sucks or you don't get to park where you're going which sides.

I want to make one of those flags, like the blue Lives Matters flags, but I want to figure out the color for librarians. Ooh, they are public service people and just be like, librarian lives matter.

I don't think we have a color. Yeah.

Yeah. Just the color of a fleet. Yeah, like,

like an honorary color.

Come up with no How about gray.

Good idea. How do we get a color?

We all deserve a stripe on that flag. We need to add extra stripes to the flag. So it's just like super tall.

Let's see. Oh, Jessie. 4.5 overall, is that what I saw?

This is from Madison. Madison, but let me jump back to the tray. Wait, no problem. 4.4 you're railing Madison.

You know, that's not terrible.

Yeah. So fuck it. We'll do we'll do Madison. Yeah. sighs the Madison did better. But hey, whatever. God there's so many. So many others. Anyway, we'll cover the others in the Patreon. So I guess now we're in Madison with a 4.5. David Catan bus. Oh, good. Dan.

Is that his name? Are those three people? David

cat? Yeah,

I think this is a guy that lives in a bus with his cats. And so this is one this is dope time in a period. So this sentence could go on forever. But here we go. I'm just going to read it word for word in the library wasn't open. I like his library. But they were not open. They do not want to see their computer. So what's the point of making a bad review about them?

I Oh, my brain is just

been I probably just like cast a spell that was a hire wizard right there. That

was Yeah, well, yeah.

They were like cramming for some reason. Yeah, yeah, that so what's the point of making a bad review while you just did you gave them one star? Why are they

meditation, that's what that is. My mind is now emptier than it was

before. Hey, find a great description of that. That's how I feel.

I think that's every episode of our podcast, we make the mind empty,

and we leave angry.

You're welcome. We create space, you know, in this hyper political world, we're here to just erase all memory and leave you questioning yourself. Yeah, I totally forgot

to read it. That Sounds really fucking

a I can do it again I'll do that like five times the speed yeah fucking Catan bus man. Alright Kareena z came here to work in silence. quiet space does not seem to be encouraged here. It was as noisy as a coffee place. Most people just looked like they were lurking around.

picture that was that guy. mustache? Who does all the horse john waters. Yeah, just me sneaking around doing the curry. Oh,

these are some good volumes.

This book by Gavin Schmidt brave extra cream. I like that.

Yeah, I fuckin read that he is making some kind of donation to a library. Some kind of contribution where he like, paid to have a wing added on to it. And in exchange, he just wanted all the bathrooms named after him. Wow.

JOHN waters is definitely still

alive and kicking. We'll see how much longer we get to have him on this earth

or that one, but that that sounds about right. Yeah,

that's all I knew was true. Because I was like, Oh, he would definitely do that.

All the toilets are his face.

A little mustache. did not feel good being here.

Hold on water.

Thunder lightning is audible on this. Yeah. In fact, this is the noisiest library I've ever been at people talking. Singing on their phone staff did not care

singing on their phone making those

Yeah. Is that a karaoke app or whatever? Here's a shorty Dylan m This sucks my favorite like this thanks it's always funny when you see how many reviews people it's sometimes it is he's written 23 but when it's like one review like yeah you know they were like especially pissed to this day okay, I did it that was doing them I think I got one more gab s it's basically a homeless shelter during open hours everyone including staff talk at full volume loud cell phones are the norm watch all your belongings and valuables except to and then it cuts off Can I not watch i think that i

think their phone got stolen that's why I chose those like oh no way really

that's pretty good.

I'm just fucking prints away on their phone. Oh,

finish my review man

All right. Yeah, probably the best first but a

good one. Can you can I think you can review

all right, yeah, I got New York Public Library. From

Can you do the New York accent we look I can't not

what's the best English

to see I can I do? I don't think I can.

freakin go and screw

Yankees regularly back in the late 80s, early 90s.

Thank you. Wow, I can close my eyes and I feel like

going for 20 years or so. The same managers that were there back then are still there. It is almost impossible to get old ineffectual staff out because they promote to you

leave me young snapper I need to get

very difficult.

It's fine to give I always give up on the accent. two sentences said I can't stand the sound of my own voice

either. Yeah, the first time I returned a couple of years ago, a homeless woman was banging on the bathroom door because she thought I was taking too long. Nice and the staff said nothing to her.

Get him out of there. We're sick of it.

Recently a homeless man has been hanging out mumbling to himself and begging on the keyboard of a computer that it clearly he has no idea how to use nizari when I called police after seeing him Do this twice. Steph claimed that he was a really nice guy never causes any trouble.

I liked that. I liked that the library defended him I really do.

He's just lost his his normal and then he got into bitcoin and lost a punch in the keyboard.

Why did I do it? When the police arrived, they did nothing. They didn't kick him out or even talk to him to ask him. If needed help. One of them was laughing and joking with the librarians like they were amused that I bothered to call them.

Yeah, you want people just cause the cops for the most asinine reasons.

They claimed they couldn't do anything because he wasn't causing trouble.

Yeah he's just banging on a door mumbled to them so

being on a keyboard or library property but

the female officer said there's nothing wrong with talking to yourself at the library, but it clearly is

your opinion so one of the police I guess we could call from but that won't shut him up. to handcuff his mouth

we must make our libraries great again. Please

can't just fucking mega everything

flexio fuckin Moga

I am a mute if this is true, I am amused that the cops show up and like it's just the guy

they actually came

down Sam what would your library look like?

very segregated. I just have a playroom for though isolate out of a separate play room

for segregationist Yeah,

I have a separate area for people that came to like practice their dance moves and sing and a separate free Wi Fi area. Oh I guess you can't stop them from because that's what a lot of people are there for I don't mean segregated in the traditional sense of like by races. I mean I mean by height

I would actually be kind of cool to walk into a room with like seven feet plus

Yeah, well and we'd only have copies of the voynich manuscript the Necronomicon and everything by Alistair Crowley

we finally get to meet the wizard Yeah,

yeah that'd

be wizard section. I'm just taken all your ideas like a lot of bathrooms no doors okay people don't like the open concept it adds a good flow to everything stenches don't collect

my library would have a shower is I hear a lot of people washing themselves in the the hand washing area so you seven separate shower for a shower room

if you will. It's almost like we need more separate shelters for people in need hmm yeah. The library is going to be this all purpose catch all let's forget

the library Yeah, yeah, I don't even get into it. Gavin Where can we find your podcast?

Oh my goodness. I don't know I think it's under the rug over here. Oh. Attention where when?

It is the Wi Fi is all around us.

Wow. Well, just like you guys were part of the Appleton Podcast Co-op group so if you if you're one of the two people that actually go to that website, you can you can find this. I am. Are you okay? I've gone top guy have gone to it. Because I want to know how to invest my money safely. Yeah. And entrepreneural podcast? Yes. Yeah. But otherwise no, it's you can conveniently find it at Milwaukee. mafia.com Nice. I got the got the sweet calm or fuck yeah. If you wherever you get your podcast type in Milwaukee mafia, it should hopefully come up. That's I mean, I get it through Google. Some people get it through Apple seems to work just fine. Yeah.

And where can we find your books? If we wanted to purchase them?

You know, I could because of the theme I should say your local library.

Ah, nice. But anywhere books are sold. Okay. But not don't go on Amazon. Right?

I would say don't go on Amazon. But really? I mean, some people would I didn't have a choice.

How much do you actually get off that if it sells on Amazon?

I get asked that a lot. And the way my contract is it actually makes no difference whatsoever. If you if you pay a bookstore, I'm just throwing numbers out here. If you pay a bookstore $20 and you pay Amazon $15. I don't lose $5 because you paid Amazon last night. I get it. I get paid by the publisher. So I get the same report.

That's good. So you can support him any way you want to? Yeah,

I mean, I don't disagree. I mean, fuck Amazon. Yeah, but, but on my end. on my end, it really makes no difference. He didn't hear it.

In San Diego, any final thoughts for the children?

For the just for the children listening to this swear fast? Yeah, I don't know. Watch your fucking mouth.

This service revenue, I think we'll leave the intro to Sam for now. Please go follow and review this review and review wherever you listen to podcasts, and consider joining their Patreon for just $2 a month you can get even more review madness. Stick around after the rest of the credits to hear Sam and Trevor's dope voicemail message for their voicemail line. Thanks as well to salmon Trevor for being members of the APC, head on over to Appleton Podcast Co-op comm for community support resources and the chance to win some free podcasting gear. If you know someone in Northeast Wisconsin who likes podcasts at all, share the show with them. If you've made it this far, please rate and review the show on pod chaser or go buy a vintage typewriter type out 30 reviews on this newspaper you can find and leave the review and random books in the library to surprise someone. I'm David Kalsow, your neighborly podcast nerd and thanks for listening. This is Trevor and this is Sam and your messaging in a job

Transcribed by https://otter.ai